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The following article was published in our article directory on February 22, 2021.
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Assertiveness is Vital to Improving Your Emotional Intelligence

Article Category: Advice

Author Name: Douglas E. Noll

Being assertive is an essential trait of emotional intelligence but it is also one of the most misunderstood. We often think of assertiveness as a negative trait since it is associated with people who bully and dominate others. But it actually is an important skill that can build self-esteem and improve your personal and professional relationships.

Assertiveness vs. Aggressiveness

The main reason why assertiveness has a bad reputation is that it is often mistaken for aggressiveness. Aggressive people disregard the feelings of others and act as if they were better than them.

On the other hand, assertive people actually respect others� feelings. They are able to express themselves in a calm and positive way without stepping on the rights of others.

Assertive people are willing to listen to other people�s views while expressing their own in a direct and forthright way. By doing so, what they hope to achieve is to resolve conflicts while ensuring that everyone is satisfied.

Why Being Aggressive is Good For Your Health

When you are not aggressive, when you don�t stand up for yourself, you are saying that your feelings are not as important as those of others. This can be a major source of stress since you are essentially communicating to people it is all right to step all over you.

Being passive can also lead to negative emotions such as bitterness and anger. It can eventually lead you to feel victimized and even want to seek revenge against those you feel have wronged you.

Tips For Being More Assertive

Use �I� Statements. When you start your statements with �I�, you are communicating your feelings and thoughts without being critical. For instance, when you have a don�t agree with another person�s opinion, instead of telling them that they are wrong, you say: �I don�t agree�.

Learn to Say No. This is a particularly challenging skill for many people since it is natural for us to want to please others. But there are times when it is undeniably necessary.

For example, a colleague at work wants you to perform a task, but you�re too busy. Don�t hesitate to say, �No, I can�t handle that now�. Be as direct as possible without seeming rude or dismissive.

Use non-verbal cues. For instance, if you want to communicate more emphatically , you can lean forward slightly when you talk. You can also make eye contact with the other person.

Your posture is also important. Make sure that you are standing straight. Avoid aggressive postures such as crossing your hands in front of your chest.

Keep emotions at bay. This is the most important thing you can do to avoid assertiveness becoming aggressiveness. Keep feelings such as anger or frustration in check.

If you feel like your emotions are about to overwhelm you, take a break before you talk to the other party. Take deep and slow breaths in order to stay calm .

Practice what you want to say. If you have to talk to somebody about a difficult situation, you might want to think about what you want to say first. You can write it down and then say it out loud.

You can also try rehearsing with a friend or family member. Have them play the role of the other person and then ask for feedback afterwards.

We should not be afraid of learning to be more aggressive. It is an essential skill in developing emotional intelligence and can help strengthen our relationships as well as increasing our job satisfaction.

About the Author: Douglas E. Noll, JD, MA is an expert when it comes to emotional competency and emotional intelligence. To find out everything about emotional competency and emotional intelligence, visit his website at www.dougnoll.com.

Keywords: emotional competence, emotional intelligence

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