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The following article was published in our article directory on February 13, 2021.
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Boosting Emotional Intelligence by Responding to and Not Reacting to Conflict

Article Category: Advice

Author Name: Douglas E. Noll

There are several strategies that people can use to boost their emotional intelligence (EQ). They involve the use and improvement of the five elements of this type of intelligence , namely: social skills, self-awareness, empathy, motivation, and self-Regulation.
Remember that skills that help build a person�s EQ can be learned any time. There are several ways that can help you along the way, which include the following:
Learning to take critiques well
Practice self-awareness
Taking a positive attitude
Be motivated
Use your listening skills
Responding to and not reacting to conflict
Using an assertive communication style
As you can see from the list above, one of the keys to improving your emotional intelligence is by managing your emotions and not just reacting to every conflict that comes your way .

Being Response-Able
Best-selling author Stephen Covey, author of The 7-Habits of Highly Effective People, taught that human beings are responsible creatures. He then emphasized that this means we are �response� + �able�.
What he was saying was that people can learn to respond to conflict instead of just reacting to them. A lot of people go through life just reacting to every stimulus that comes their way.
For example:
It rained hard this morning, so you feel sad
Your boss got really angry, so you feel afraid and helpless
Early morning traffic�so you get angry and frustrated
Do you see what a lot of folks are doing? They are allowing the things that happen to their lives to dictate how they feel and behave. In other words, they let conflict and other stimuli to have control over their lives. This does little to improve one�s emotional intelligence.

In Between Stimulus and Reaction
Covey also taught that in between conflict, there is always time in between stimulus and reaction. And you can use that time to choose how you will respond and not just react to stimulus or conflict. This is one of the ways you can improve your emotional intelligence.
The following is a short but effective strategy that you can use to give yourself some time to choose how to respond to situations.

Step 1: Pause
Do you feel triggered? We all do. Somebody in the office says something or someone in your neighborhood does something annoying, and you almost immediately get annoyed.
When you experience this, pause and then take a deep breath. Take the time to observe in this shift inside you.

Step 2: Identify the Emotion
Feel the emotions bubbling up whether it�s anger, frustration, sadness, etc. Just take the time � just a short amount of time � to observe what is going on inside of you. Now, make a point to identify the emotion. Once you have properly identified the emotion, call it out verbally or in your mind�say �I am angry� (or whatever emotion you�re feeling).

Step 3: A Moment for Introspection
Now that you have identified the emotion, ask yourself why you�re feeling this way.

Step 4: Choose Your Response
Now that everything has been properly identified, notice that you had a lot of time to pause and identify your feelings. Now it�s time to choose how you will respond.

Conclusion
Notice that if you follow the steps above , you have empowered yourself to choose how to respond to conflict. It will take a lot of practice and it won�t be easy at first. However, if you are determined to try, you will not only gain better self-control, but you will improve your emotional intelligence as well.

Keywords: emotional competence, emotional intelligence

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