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The following article was published in our article directory on August 19, 2020.
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Tips for Assertive Communication Skills with a Formula on Steps to Success in Life

Article Category: Self Help

Author Name: James Nussbaumer

Today let's look at a few steps to assertive communication skills. It's where you can leave guilt behind you when you must make a change of plans. 

Too often when others count on us we have poor communication when it comes to doing what is best for you. 

We'll also discuss active listening as a skill learned inwardly from the focus meditation requires.

Using meditation regularly for success in life helps you to learn how to connect with others when needed.

In a recent Master-Mind webinar a woman after just having her fifth child (Joanne) mentioned:

"Once again it's the first Sunday of the month where in-laws and other extended family anticipates me to prepare my usual pot roast supper. But, I am just too exhausted; what should I do?"

I suggested, "Why not inform them how you truly feel?" 

"Because they count on me and I do not want to dissatisfy them.  I always feel guilty if I don't come forth with what is anticipated of me."

Absence of assertive communication skills such as this among relatives is the root of much dispute.

As well, hurt and misconceptions whenever of the year might be particularly so during typically relied upon occasions.

Joanne's problem prevails: she wants to prevent and be a great person with members of the family.

But, in doing so, she feels resentment and other negative feelings when she is overwhelmed. Or feels others are making the most of her.

Regrettably, a failure to be emotionally truthful and direct with individuals we care about can have long-reaching unfavorable repercussions.

Failure to interact often sends out the wrong message about you. I'm saying, in what you need and how others need to react to you.

Keep in mind this lesson from the Course in Miracles: The world as we have created it is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking. 
The Elephant in the Room

The late Wayne Dyer often referred to the elephant in room at one of his conferences which I thought was wonderful.

It's about living the life you want and deserve!

When you have unexpressed sensations towards another, it resembles you are resting on a couch with an elephant between you.

Wayne Dyer wanted us to see that, neither wants to acknowledge the elephant. However its presence serves as a barrier to genuine extension of self.

Eventually, the elephant obstructs of favorable sensations between you and the other individual.

Assertive communication skills is the art of speaking in an affordable tone with excellent eye contact.

It's based on utilizing "I" messages (instead of "you" or blaming messages) while clearly stating your feelings, demands and requirements.

Assertive interactions invite listeners to work toward mutually satisfactory resolution of conflicts or issues. Sure, without appointing blame or offense.

Offensive versus assertive

Keep in mind: you won't anger individuals if you adhere to communicating your sensations, instead of informing others what they must-- or should not-- do!

A Few Steps to Success

There are some parts to effective assertive interaction - Here is the formula:
I feel ___________ when __________ since ________. I require ___________.

Step:  "I feel" Start by revealing how you feel about the habits. Stick to one of the five or 6 standard feelings: "I feel ... overwhelmed, mad, hurt," etc.

Examples: "I feel pressured to do something I actually can't do this year," and "It makes me feel taken benefit of."

Step: "I require" This is the hard part for people like Joanne who feel guilty simply letting others (particularly family members) understand what their requirements are. "I require" has absolutely nothing to do with being self-centered.

Rather, it means giving listeners a clear signal of what you want them to do differently, so they have a chance to alter.

Examples: "I need for the dinner to be rotated among the family." "If everyone will bring a dish, I'll prepare the roast," and "I require my sisters to come early and aid with the setup."

Applying the Formula

Does the formula always work?

Of course not!

But it works a high portion of the time and it provides you a much better tool to handle situations than anger; which seldom accomplishes the wanted results.

Attempt various variations utilizing your own words if it doesn't work at initially. And keep at it.

Since of previous recognized communication patterns, people frequently don't right away react differently to your words.

Sincere Step: Constantly ensure your assertive communication skills has a sincere tone of honesty, clearness, reliability.

Likewise, regard towards the other and his or her opinions.

Expressive Step: "I feel." Start by expressing how you feel about the behavior. Stick to one of the five or six fundamental emotions: "I feel ... overwhelmed, upset, hurt," and so on.

Next Step: "When". What specifically bothers you about the behavior or situation?

Examples: "I feel forced to do something I actually can't do this year," and "It makes me feel taken benefit of."

People frequently don't immediately respond in a different way to your words due to the fact that of previous recognized interaction patterns.

(I always like to suggest staying on the lookout for related content on topics like: how to get along with others through flexible thinking to improve communication skills:)

Remember, as I suggested in previous articles that mindfulness meditation practiced regularly will give you strength in difficult situations.  

Keywords: assertive communication skills, extension of self, course in miracles, resolution of conflicts, steps to success

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