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The following article was published in our article directory on April 12, 2013.
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The Way to Find the Right Therapist for You

Article Category: Education

Author Name: Debbi Flittner, JD, MA, LPC

Deciding to seek professional counseling can be a difficult decision to reach, especially if it will be your first time. Let's say, though, that for this discussion, you've already been through that, and have decided to move ahead. What do you do next? Where do you start, and what decisions go into that? Hopefully this brief article will share ideas and experiences that are useful in how you make that decision.

Many people need to think about costs. Do you have insurance? Do you need to use it? How far are you willing to travel? Do you have a sense about whether you'd feel better talking with a man or a woman? There are plenty more things that can go into your choice, but these are some big ones. And I'd like to share an early experience of my own that may be helpful for you.

Many years ago, decades at this point, I decided the stress of my work was a good reason to seek out a therapist. My work as an attorney back then required long hours, filled with stressful people who were insisting on my constant attention. My work demanded complete focus. I liked it, but it also wasn't enough somehow. At this time I was also parenting a teenager, and was newly remarried. Life was basically good. Money was tight. But I also had a longing for "something more", that I hadn't identified yet. So without being able to put my finger on what all of this would mean, I wanted to see someone-- a woman I thought-- who would have the ability to see me in all of my life roles, including understanding this bigger longing, and help me make more sense of it all somehow. Someone I felt like I could really trust. Who would get my artsy nature, my love of outdoors and travel. This was my first time searching for a therapist. It seemed like a tall order. And I had to pick this person, unseen, from an insurance list, as I couldn't afford then to just choose whoever I wanted to work with.

So, I picked. I made an appointment to see this woman. I had to drive really far from my work location, but I decided if she was the right one, it would be worth it.

And, she was the right one. I got lucky with my first try. She was my first therapist, so it was a long period of time before I knew how lucky I was, or that it wasn't just luck, but something I came to understand much later as "transference". What that meant-- in short-- was that she reminded me really strongly of somebody, and the somebody happened to be a really dear friend of mine. What I loved about my friend, was that she was such a warm, open person, self confident, earthy, and Italian. She knew how to cook the kind of food that I loved, and I learned a lot from her about that.

So when I met my therapist to be, and she turned out to be about the same size, weight, and hair color, had the same warmth and mannerisms and understanding depth, I was IN.

Today, when I think back on this woman, I am still grateful for her. She changed my life. But what I also know is that I found a good "fit" with her, and in so doing, I was open to a sort of dialogue with her that helped me change. It wasn't that she was expert in any one particular thing, it was that she really listened well, and always spoke back to me from a quiet caring place, and that was what I needed. I still find her inside my head sometimes, and I still listen to her guidance. Good therapy is like that.

A "good fit" between you and your counselor is a very important thing to consider, whatever that means for you. May you too find the therapist who is right for you, and with whom you are prepared to invest the space and time it takes to grow.

Namaste,

Debbi

Keywords: debbi flittner, jd, ma, licensed professional counselor, portland, or, oregon, psychotherapist, attorney, yoga teacher, psychotherapy, depth psychology, yogic influences, yoga counselor, yoga therapist, buddhist principles, mindfulness, meditation, body mind spirit connection

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