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SpinDistribute.com Article Directory

The following article was published in our article directory on August 8, 2012.
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Powerful Conversations

Article Category: Advice

Author Name: Ignacio Ceja

Communication is the key to success. It's only by being able to communicate our needs and desires that we are able to gather support for our causes and move toward them. Years ago, a friend gave me a book titled Crucial Conversations. It's a book about handling difficult, and often times emotionally charged communication in a way that helps both sides win. I'm just starting to read this book now, and actually it's exactly the right time.

Twenty-one years ago, I joined the U.S. Navy, and for twenty years of my working life, the method of conversation was one way. Communication came from the top and trickled down. Suggestions went up, but often suggestions that went against the grain of tradition were ignored. I'm not saying that this was always the case, but even my more progressive leaders, men and women who actually listened to what their juniors had to say, found it difficult to pass that information up because it often went against the tradition of their own seniors. Tradition in this case is not pomp and circumstance, but rather the "we've always done it this way" mentality.

Now that I've retired and am in the civilian world again, I realize that communication up and down the ranks of organizations is highly desired. Unlike the tradition model of the military, civilian organizations rely on inside information to improve their methods and their bottom line. Not all of these conversations are going to be positive and productive, but there is room for both parties to be heard and for positive results for each. Skills such as listening and being able to communicate clearly and respectfully are necessary for this process.

Listening is an essential part of communication. Listening is a funny skill. Most people think they listen. Most people even think they know how to listen. Most people don't. When most people listen, they are really waiting for an opportunity to interject their own point. When you are waiting to make your own point, you are focusing on your own point. When you do that, you are not listening to the other person. Maybe you can hear them, but most of what they are saying doesn't even make it into your short term memory.

Wouldn't it be better if you could comfortably take in everything someone was saying, organize the information they gave you, quickly evaluate it, and then finally make a rational response that respected what they conveyed to you and still communicated your point? All this comes from the art of listening.

Speaking is another essential part of communication. So how about speaking? Have you ever listened to a conversation and groaned because you just knew one party spoke without thinking about the impact of their words? Usually the information is irrelevant and it's also almost always hurtful.

It would be so much better if we could listen, hear the other person's points and then, having evaluated that information, provide feedback that was reasonable, that was well thought out and that conveyed information in a way that was helpful and not harmful. This also falls under the art of listening, but it partly falls under listening to ourselves and knowing to whom we are speaking. Sometimes a harder response works for one type of person, but not another. If you don't know which type of person you are addressing, then you stand a good chance of impairing or even shutting off the flow of communication by making a thoughtless response.

These are all very important things to consider. But these are some of the communication skills that are critical to develop. In conversations, there is no "right" response, but there certainly is a "best" response. One of the truly best outcomes of becoming a great communicator is being able to handle those critical conversations in such a way that allows all parties involved to win.

Keywords: communication

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