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The following article was published in our article directory on November 10, 2011.
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The Four Recurring Thoughts in Self-Help Anything

Article Category: Self Help

Author Name: Chad Tabary

If you consider it Buddhism, if you consider it a pursuit to be Christ like, even when you just consider it a journey to get in touch with your "spiritual" side, you will find four constant principles in ALL self help courses. They go by various names, but never lose their actual meaning. It doesn't matter how far you intend to bring your quest of enlightenment, these four traits will help you master anything in your life! Acceptance, Taking Responsibility, Expressing Gratitude, and Giving.

At the beginning of any course of development, whether you want to play piano the very first time, or perhaps have forever happy relationships, the initial step toward that is acceptance. It's probably the biggest step! G.I. Joe was pretty spot on when he said that, "knowing is half the battle." I would even increase that percentage up to 80% of the battle. If you can accept your current reality, you can produce valid, effective moves to modify it.

I currently do not know how to play the violin. That is actionable. You may next try to hire a teacher. Let's make it more intricate though. Relationships demand an increased level of acceptance. To get to the center of it, you have to drill down some. Take a common complaint that's probably been in your reality, "My spouse is insatiable. She does nothing but make me angry, she makes absolutely no sense!" We're about to move quick here for the sake of brevity, so you've got to follow the idea, or re-read this to grab the subtlety. All this spins round into Subjective Reality, which is actually a whole other discussion!

Let us start with accepting that you are the only one who can assume responsibility for you...and your behaviors, along with your reactions. Here we drill down from, "She does nothing but make me angry," to "I, for some reason, am angry in reaction to something she did." Distilled further it might be said, "I'm angry." I am angry. Check out those three words just below their surface some time. I looking for you to comprehend that what you are, anything following the "I am," is a choice. Or even without having to accept that you being angry is a choice, accept that you "own" it...it is yours and yours only! I am angry. I am deciding to be angry. This is my reaction, and I am it right this moment. Do you follow me?

This is where the crazy wagon is sent out from your mind and drags me off, but stay with me for a couple moments longer! I'm not suggesting that variables from the world (like your girlfriend) can't or don't have an impact on you. I am totally suggesting however that it's your body, your mind, and you can completely control the reaction! How can one human being call you an idiot and you can laugh at it, where another can call you that and you erupt in anger? Because it's relative. Because it's a bona fide choice which you can, and frequently do make.

Now back to our truth: My partner makes me angry >> I am angry after seeing something she did >> I am angry >> I choose to be angry. The obnoxious retort from many witty higher-than-thou folk off this logic is, "I can't make you be anything! I can't make you angry!" And for the large part, they are right. Another person can't make you be angry. She isn't your mind, she is simply the stimulus outside it. You choose to be angry. You can choose a different reaction. That is accepting a reality, AND furthermore taking responsibility for it.

My reality is that I'm standing in front of this woman which I disagree with. I choose to be upset in response to her. I can select something different. I am responsible. Now I can repair it. This acceptance and taking responsibility lifts a Substantial weight. The feeling is so light and liberating that joy and gratitude quickly follow. I'm happy, I am grateful because I don't have to bear this anger!

The last part of the four processes of EVERY personal growth guide is also a normal reaction. With your tremendous gratitude and from the empowerment of owning yourself, you give. You give power back, you give patience, you give understanding, you give relief (to yourself and others) and finally your giving manifests in physical ways like giving your girlfriend her brush back because you no longer want to be with her (little bit of cynicism in your enlightenment!), or giving her a random hug because you understand that your anger is coming from another place.

You accepted your reality, you took full credit for it, you were grateful for the improvements, and you gave. It's a large concept for so few words, and I understand the evolution seems overly simplified in writing, but the evolution is valid, it's real, and the most difficult part is that first step, that initial eighty percent!

Keywords: Subjective Reality, Objective Reality, One Conscience, New Age, Philosophy, Self Help

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